these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
