If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
