he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
