I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
