Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
