I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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