I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
