fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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