I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
