I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
