If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
