We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
