he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
