this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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