This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
