I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
