Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
