Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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