Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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