Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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