well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
