just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
