everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
