he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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