The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
