just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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