Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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