Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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