i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
