as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
