dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
organizing the empties. That sober.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
