Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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