dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
