I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
