I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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