She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
