Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
