i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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