fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
