Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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