So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
