All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
nutella sex= disaster
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
