i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
