so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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