Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
