so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
