i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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