I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
