Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
