I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
