Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
