I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
