i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
