If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
